It was just the middle of an average day in the life of “me”. Until the phone rang. It was my brother telling me that Dad was rushed to the hospital. … “they think it’s a heart attack.”. I didn’t know what to say. I was stunned. In a moment’s notice, I was now in fear of losing my dad!. …
“What hospital, Bob?” … He told me where. And, I proceeded immediately to the hospital. I was so afraid when I walked on to the floor, that I was going to hear the worst possible news. When I walked out of the elevator and saw some of my brothers and sisters talking casually, I sighed a huge sigh of relief. … I could have cried at that point. … I could have cried tears of gratitude.
He was in intensive care. I walked in to see an octopus of wires attached to him… along with oxygen, and all the other usual gear. He looked so much older and worn than I ever remember seeing him. Dad is a short man, but a man who had always commanded your respect… no matter who you were. He was firm in business, had strong political views, a deep commitment to God, and an even deeper commitment to providing for his children. His agenda in life was to provide for his family, come hell or high water so that none of us ever had to worry about a roof over our heads and/or food in our bellies. He did this.. … famously.
He was so busy while I was growing up, that I never got to know him the way I would have liked. He had a busy work life. The fruits of his labor, and his ‘business savvy’ insured that I would never want for anything. His work ethic and discipline were incredibly strong. He passed that to us, as well. My brothers and I worked long hours, especially earlier in the years.
Now, here we are. … in a sterile white room, with the typical smell of a hospital.. artificial air, alcohol, bleach… the sound of gurney’s and quick feet, scuttling down hallways… the beeps of the attached equipment that would scare me every time they sounded (and yet no nurses or doctors were concerned)… and that awful green-blue fluorescent lighting. I am standing by Dad who is laying on his back with such deep stress imprinted on his face. My brothers, sisters, and mom were also present. Not always at once, because of the restriction on the number of people that can be in the room at one time. There was a discussion of the insertion of a stent. Also, a mention of two other partial blockages that need to be monitored. I felt like I was in ‘the twilight zone’. I hear about these things every day of my life. The multimedia news makes sure we all do. But, for this to actually be happening to my dad? …
to MY FAMILY?!
“I don’t understand why this is happening.”
I honestly did not understand why.
Time passed, I sat by him while the stent was inserted… This is s-o-o-o-o-o unnatural. We all marvel at these so-called lifesaving technologies. But, … “I don’t understand why this is happening.”. … Later, back in his hospital room, the family was around in a larger group. One by one, sometimes two by two, they were leaving. I had driven myself to the hospital. So, I had the opportunity to stay without anyone saying, “we should go now, Gary.”. So. … Bob, my oldest brother, was leaving and taking Mom back home. I said I would stick around a little longer.
All night, I just wanted to tell my Dad how deeply I love him. I had to stay… wanted to stay… … I stayed. After the room was empty of everyone but Dad and me, I held his hand and time passed. I don’t know how much time. … It could never have been long enough. … Despite the many years of friction we gave each other during my teen years… Despite callous words we exchanged through the years… All I wanted was for this man to know how incredibly important his presence was and is in my life. All I wanted was for this man to know that I love him. … That I unconditionally … love him. I had to be sure he heard me.
While holding his hand, I leaned down to his ear. But, I did it in such a way as we could see each other’s face. And, … I said something that I don’t remember ever saying in past years. … I don’t recall that we (my family) ever used this word in my younger years. … And, for God’s sake. … I don’t understand that.
I said (with an unusually timid voice), “I love you, Dad.”. He looked at me, laying there … so feeble, … and just sighed, “aw-w-w-w”… like the puff of air of a balloon deflating … it was a whisper. … it was relief! … He experienced an incredible release of tension from his body and mind. I could see this, easily. I saw such joy and love and gratitude shining back at me. … “I love you, too, son.”, he whispered softly, and with gratitude beaming in his eyes. … and … our relationship changed. … … forever.
My family just generally didn’t share emotions. … I suppose we were taught to be tough. I guess the persona of this man rubbed off on his siblings. … This persona was what he needed to not only survive his own dad leaving his poverty-stricken family during the depression, but, also, to tackle the world head on, and make sure that his own family would “never suffer poverty or a broken home”.
I used to believe that each of us (my dad and I) owed each other a lot of forgiveness and explanation. But, I no longer feel that way. We love each other… we both had done the best we could with the cards we were dealt. I am so proud to have this man as my father. Forgiveness? Perhaps. Explanation? … not – at – all.
At this point. …
“GOD! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO MY FATHER!?”
And, later, after this crisis had passed? …
GOD! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US … THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE!?
Well, I now understand. … …
WE AREN’T LISTENING TO GOD!
GOD can be Jesus or any other divinity in which you believe. GOD can be the universe… the world around you. … Whatever it is that each of us in the world calls GOD, the world, just – isn’t – listening. We are doing this dastardly deed to ourselves. And GOD, succinctly points this out to us, … if we will just – listen… whether it is the scriptures or your intuitive feeling of everything that you do in your life.
I don’t want to digress too terribly much.
But, as you might guess, this was by far one of the most pivotable moments in my life. And, it changed everything. I wasn’t buying that this (degeneration and disease) is our inevitable fate. I began a journey of research. Everything from;
- the benefits of each and every food constituent that man has isolated.
- The benefits of as many drugs as I could research.
- A study of “turn of last century (1890-1920)” books on health and medicine.
- A study of dentists and doctors in the early 1900s who researched the root causes of the massive destruction of health that began at that time in America.
- A study of all the non-invasive methods of healing that I could find. This led to the finding that the mainstream institutions have been preventing the popularity and proliferation of every technique that is efficient at eliciting real cures and/or healing.
And, what I found is that other than emergencies, drugs are not beneficial. And the way that “pharma-sponsored studies” are twisted out of context, they are presented as beneficial even though they are toxic.
In the next chapter (or blog entry. … Whatevuh ya wanna call it), I will discuss my first efforts to educate myself and change this horribly dismal fate. I’m absolutely positive that this was not intended for us by God, the universe or ourselves.